Pick Me Up: The Dreaded Camp Letter Home

We got it.  The letter that every parent dreads when their child is away at overnight camp.  “I want to come home.  Pick me up.”  As my husband reached for his car keys, I assured him that letters like this are totally normal.  While it might not feel good to receive a letter like this, as child psychologist and author Michael Thompson has so perfectly written about in his book Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow, children can both miss their parents AND like camp at the same time.

If you too are one of the lucky recipients of a “come pick me up letter” or your child is begging to come home on your next phone call, allow me to share some thoughts:

Extreme homesickness is rare – Your child writing home and expressing that they miss you and want to come home doesn’t mean that they are miserable all day long at camp. In reality, your child is probably feeling out of their comfort zone.  Extreme homesickness—when your child is inconsolable and crying all the time— is very rare and if your child was experiencing it, you would have heard from the camp.

Uncomfortable is where the growth happens – As parents, we always want our children to be happy and we can be so quick to try and save our kids from any sadness or uncomfortable feelings.  But the growth happens when our kids make it through a tough time.  They build resilience and grow as a person because they made it through a challenging time.  Part of the reason we send our kids to camp is to mature, become more independent and for them to learn more about who they are.  This can’t happen if we go and pick them up the minute they feel a little bit uneasy.

Share positive messages – If you give in and “rescue” your child, you are sending a message to your child that you don’t believe they can be successful at camp.  Often times, if a child doesn’t complete the camp session, they can feel like a failure.   Share positive messages in your letters and during your phone calls.  Let them know you believe in them and that you know they can make it through camp.

By the time you get the letter, the moment has passed – By the time the pick me up letter makes it to your mailbox, a week has gone by and that moment of sadness has passed.  Also, know that campers write letters during quiet times at camp like rest hour or right before bed. Sure, your child misses you and is going to write about it during that down time when they can get deep into their own thoughts. However, for the hours before the letter was written, they were happily playing soccer, jumping in the lake, eating ice cream, zipping down the zipline, laughing with friends, learning a new camp song and participating in more activities than you can even imagine takes place in just one day at camp.

Call the director – If you are worried, please pick up the phone and call the director.  Ask how your child is doing and how bad the homesickness really is.  This phone call will likely have you feeling calmer and put the homesickness in perspective for you.

Pride in completing camp – When your child gets home from camp, they will be proud of themselves for making it through.  Most times, they will look back at camp and remember all the fun times and friends—not that they missed you and wanted to come home.  In fact, they will probably ask if you have registered them yet for camp next year!

Jess Michaels has been the Director of Communications for the American Camp Association, NY and NJ for over 13 years.  She was a camper herself for 15 summers and this is the first summer that both her daughters are away at overnight camp.  Jess spends a lot of her free time explaining camp to her husband who never had this transformative experience himself.